Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
