we have officially lost it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
