i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
