She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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