Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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