it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
