you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
