And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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