i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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