It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
