His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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