fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
