Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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