Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
