hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
