He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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