it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
