he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
