I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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