I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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