mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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