I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
