you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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