I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
