She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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