Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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