We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
