shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
