Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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