I feel like I'm in dance class right now
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
