He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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