somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Redeem this text for a blowjob
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made