3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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