I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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