she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
