All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize