i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize