it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
