Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
