I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
