Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
