i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
