then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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