He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
