I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
