People in love make me want to vomit
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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