just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
