Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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