I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
