I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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