i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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