she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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