tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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