I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
