i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
