Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
