We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
