It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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