once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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