there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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