No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
