I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I look better un-naked...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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