I CAN MOONWALK!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
