There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
