I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
