I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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