just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
